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Facebook Status: I don’t trip, I do random gravity checks.
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Facebook Status: I would lose weight but I hate losing.
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Facebook Status: I’m not lazy. I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.
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Facebook Status: I came. I saw. I forgot what I was doing.
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Facebook Status: Life is too short to fold fitted sheets.
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Facebook Status: I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop being annoying.
