Facebook Status: I’m not addicted to my phone, we’re just in a committed relationship.

Facebook Status: I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry.

Facebook Status: I speak fluent sarcasm.

Facebook Status: My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch… I call it lunch.

Facebook Status: Adulting is like folding a fitted sheet… nobody really knows how.

Facebook Status: I need a day between Saturday and Sunday.