WhatsApp Status: I don’t need Google. My mother knows everything and she will tell me whether I asked or not.

WhatsApp Status: Currently funding three different food delivery apps’ entire business models single-handedly.

WhatsApp Status: I’m at the age where my back goes out more than I do and my knees make their own sound effects.

WhatsApp Status: Just had a full argument with someone in my head and won convincingly. They don’t know yet.

WhatsApp Status: Relationship status: waiting for my food delivery like it’s the most important arrival of my life.

WhatsApp Status: I just checked my horoscope and it said, “Try not to be an idiot today.” It’s nice that the stars are keeping the bar low.