Facebook Status: I survived another meeting that should have been an email.

Facebook Status: My brain has too many tabs open.

Facebook Status: Went to the gym. The equipment was taken. Had a snack. Went home. Solid effort.

Facebook Status: My houseplants keep dying and I keep buying new ones like I’m a different person now.

Facebook Status: I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Facebook Status: Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I fall asleep with pizza in the oven.