• Facebook Status: I would lose weight but I hate losing.

  • Facebook Status: I’m not lazy. I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.

  • Facebook Status: I came. I saw. I forgot what I was doing.

  • Facebook Status: Life is too short to fold fitted sheets.

  • Facebook Status: I don’t need anger management. I need people to stop being annoying.

  • Facebook Status: I thought growing up would take longer.