Facebook Status: I hate it when I plan a conversation in my head, but then the other person doesn’t follow the script.

Facebook Status: Tonight, I’m gonna have myself a real good time and avoid everyone within a 5km radius.

Facebook Status: I just want less to do, more time to do it, and higher pay for not getting it done.

Facebook Status: Loading brain … please wait.

Facebook Status: Money doesn’t bring happiness, but shopping might.

Facebook Status: Procrastination (verb): What you’re probably doing now.