Facebook Status: Some people are like Slinkies, not really good for anything, but you can’t help smiling when you see one tumble down the stairs.

Facebook Status: I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Facebook Status: The longer the title the less important the job.

Facebook Status: Thanks to the new alcoholic energy drinks, instead of the walk of shame, you can do the sprint of shame.

Facebook Status: Live is too short to be normal.

Facebook Status: The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so they can tell when they’re really in trouble.