Facebook Status: That awkward moment when you accidentally click on Internet Explorer & you have to wait for it to load so you can close it again.

Facebook Status: Unicorns do exist. They’re just fat and grey and we call them Rhinos.

Facebook Status: Nobody knows everything but everybody knows something.

Facebook Status: Ten years ago we had Steve Jobs, Bob Hope, and Johnny Cash. Now we have no Jobs, no Hope, and no Cash.

Facebook Status: A celebrity is someone who works hard all his life to become known and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.

Facebook Status: My keyboard needs a removable crumb tray like the toaster.