Facebook Status: Bought some batteries for my children as gift and stuck a note on it saying: ‘Toys not included.’

Facebook Status: Imagine you had super powers. What would your one weakness would be?

Facebook Status: Thanks to new alcoholic energy drinks, instead of the walk of shame, you can do the sprint of shame.

Facebook Status: I’m never sure what to do with my eyes when I’m at the dentist. Do I close them? Do I stare at his face? Do I look at the ceiling?

Facebook Status: Be yourself; everyone else is taken.

Facebook Status: LIKE if you sing in the shower.