Facebook Status: If your partner cooks, you clean. It’s a relationship, not an employment contract.

Facebook Status: Trying to talk your partner out of a bad fashion choice is a fool’s game. Just accept this is what you signed up for.

Facebook Status: I wish Facebook had a algorithm which would tag me in other people’s fights. I want to see all the drama.

Facebook Status: One of my favourite pastimes is imagining politicians trying to get away with the same shenanigans in their mother’s home.

Facebook Status: Despite all of the cruelty in the world, kindness persists. And I think for that, we should be thankful.

Facebook Status: Please cancel my subscription to your issues.